The Advice of a Father

I remember sitting at my little piano as a girl. My parents were divorced, so I would spend weekends with my dad. One day he walked into my bedroom, and without thinking, I said, “Hi, Charles.” He stopped and looked at me. “Charles? Who told you to call me Charles?” Different generation. Different expectations. In that moment, I understood something about honor. Fathers carried weight. Their words meant something. I never called him that again.

Later, he gave me advice that felt just as direct: “Marry a good black man.” It was fatherly guidance — protective, rooted in his worldview, shaped by his experience. And I did marry a black man. The marriage didn’t last, but I can still acknowledge the good that came from it. God uses everything. Even the relationships that don’t endure can still serve a purpose in shaping who we become.

That’s where Ecclesiastes comes in: “All is vanity.” Without God, life becomes a cycle of chasing things that fade — approval, relationships, expectations. Fathers advise. Children choose. Consequences unfold. But through it all, God’s hand is steady. His will prevails even when ours wavers.

When I look back at that little girl at the piano, I see innocence. I see longing. I see someone who would one day learn that earthly fathers guide us the best they can — but our Heavenly Father sees the full picture. And drawing near to Him is the only thing that is never vanity.

God bless, Shirah Chante,your relationship coach

PS: If this story spoke to you, listen to the full episode of Teens Draw Near to God, All is Vanity Part 2: A Father’s Advicefor the deeper conversation behind this message.